They Like Big Butts And They Cannot Lie

Sweet title, am I right? (By this, you could probably guess my age. But don’t ask because I won’t tell you…and it’s rude anyway. Didn’t your mother ever teach you never to ask a woman her age?)

Who ever said Sir Mix-a-lot couldn’t be an inspiration to women everywhere? I’m serious, girls. There is something deep to extract from this. Yes, something crucially and very definitely retro. No, I’m not speaking of parachute pants and yellow blazers. We’re going to have to go way back, back to the 40’s and 50’s. That was the last we knew of tried and true womanhood defined.


Why do we have to go back, you ask? Well, because of The Miracle Bum pants, or the Invisible Shaping Bum Boosters, or even the Miraclesuit (in which case you lose 10 lbs in 10 whole seconds!). Take your pick. We have to go back because now we have Michele Williams having to wear a Miracle Bum and other padding in order to play Marilyn Monroe in a movie. I mean, if we have to wear Miracle Bums in order to attain a butt that was normal back then, maybe it’s time we stop the skin and bones insanity? I’ve told ya’ll before and I’ll tell you again…men like curves. They like substance, softness, and a little ba-boom. (Ain’t no shame in a little ba-boom!)

I’ve never heard any of the male species say, “Those bones sure are sexy!” or “Look at those bones!”. It doesn’t happen, folks.

So, where is all this tucking and plumping getting us? Well, broke for starters. There is a lot of money in plastic surgery, in weight-loss pills, and in multiple marriages and divorces. When people aren’t happy they spend money. Along the trail of searching for happiness, they spend more money. The result is our being unhappy and unfulfilled within every area of our life…..well, that AND a face that pains us all to watch when you try to emote joy. Hence the reason for the propaganda we get from everywhere telling us what we are supposed to be and showing us what we are to look like. Guiding you on how to attain this media-imposed image is highly profitable.

Mad Men was a huge hit on T.V. because of the throwback to the 1960’s era. I enjoy this show. It’s 1960’s sexy intrigue at it’s best. They had something back then that we don’t have anymore. Women knew who they were. They knew what a woman was. And they knew the real power and strength of a woman is being fully woman. Men knew, too. They knew who they were and they knew it was fully male. Back in the day there was no role reversal. No gray area to sit in until you figured out who you were.

We make it too easy, now. Too easy to live your whole life not even knowing who you are. Too easy to hate who you are and for just x amount of dollars you can change it all. Whatever happened to that kind of woman that knows who she is and is happy in her own (un-botoxed) skin? I’ll tell you. She’s bought the lie that she has to change. So, she’s been poked, prodded, starved and injected so much she looks like the joker from Batman! And if she’s happy-you wouldn’t know it because you can’t tell when she’s smiling!

We’ve got to stop buying the lies. Marilyn Monroe was and still is considered a symbol of beauty. Her size is greatly disputed, but she was no smaller than an 8 and is argued to have been a 12 or 14 at one point. So, why then, may I ask, do we think we have to be a zero in order to be truly beautiful? It’s because of our culture and society now.

Following this crazed society on the so-called road to joy will get you nowhere fast. You will never stop discovering new flaws that must be remedied if you are to lead a satisfactory life. Stop the madness. Have the cajones to be different. There is a finger I like to use sometimes when I am fed up with other people’s agendas being forced upon me. You know; use it.

Don’t buy in…bow out. Become a true retro woman! Embrace who you are as a beautiful and sexy woman. Be fully female and completely unapologetic about it! (Watch out Katy Perry, there’s a new girl in town biiiitch! Too far? Yeah, you’re right. Sorry, I got excited…)

So, get out that LBD (that’s little black dress…if you don’t have one…girl, we’re gonna have to talk…it’s one of those staple items EVERY woman needs in her wardrobe!). Then curl your hair (just a bit, we’re not trying to resemble a poodle here!) and put on a little make-up (not too much Lady Gaga!) make sure your lips shine, spray your perfume in the 4 key areas and go out tonight! Get your curve on and flaunt what your momma gave you cause your man likes it!