Primp That Pussy

Ladies, ladies, ladies…ya gotta primp that sucker for him.  How does he like it?  Bald as a baboon’s ass?  Hairy as Chewbacca?  Maybe he likes a landing strip for his tongue to guide just perfectly into the right spot.  Whatever his fancy, it is a sexy pleasure to ready the lily pad for your frog.  
Let’s face it.  He will be there for awhile. (If he knows what is good for him.)  So, it is imperative that we make it comfy and cozy for him.  If he likes a rug, give him a rug.  I, myself, am not so fond of a rug. I enjoy the feeling of being completely bare down there.  Every little thing that touches me is felt, times ten.  It is a symphony of magnified sensations.  But, if he wants, I could definitely grow that sucker like a fucking beaver chia pet.

There are different types of waxing you can get: Bikini, triangle, landing strip, Brazilian strip, full Brazilian, etcetera.  If you opt for a full Brazilian, awesome.  I love these…(but I enjoy a little pain now and then).  They feel sexy and naughty.  There is zero hairiness left down there, from the front all the way to the back. The only downside to these is that you have to wait until there’s enough growth to wax again.  But they do last awhile.  And it feels amazing afterwards.  Oh, and don’t forget to let him feel your newly smooth self under your skirt.  

If you shave, make sure you use a brand new razor every single time and always use a quality shaving cream.  Take your time and first shave everything at an angle to the way it grows, then go over it slowly in the completely opposite direction it grows.  Feel as you go. (👈He would love to watch that part…)  Make sure it is smooth.  Open it up and shave carefully along the insides of your labia…that’s such a nice word…anyway, then do around your rectum.  When you are finished, splash cold water on the area, pat dry, moisturize with lotion and then finish with a small amount of grapeseed or olive oil.  If you tend to get red bumps, finish with a rub of deodorant to soothe and keep the red to a minimum.  Everyone is a bit different, so figure out what works for you.  

What about smell?  I realize the taboo nature of this part of my discussion.  However, it is important that you not smell like a discarded tuna can.  Gross.  So, a nice bath or shower with whatever smell he enjoys will ensure a lovely, yet not overpowering balance of pussy and cutesy, feminine body wash.  I like a lavender and chamomile scent…or jasmine.  Aveeno has a lovely lavender, chamomile, and ylang-ylang body wash that is very moisturizing and low cost. He seems to enjoy it…if ya know what I mean…😉  It is essential to your preparation that you not lose the faint smell of ‘you’…so, no sterilized, homogenized pussies.  He doesn’t want a mannequin. (If he does, that’s a whole different article.)  But, make sure your smell of pussy isn’t overpowering to where he can’t breathe without feeling like he may suffocate from dirty pussy.   Remember, no tuna fish stuff going on….

Pussy dècor…this is fun.  Dress her up.  Cute panties, ladies. Not your granny’s panties.  Lace is sexy.  Satin is amazing.  Both?…his nemesis.  What is his favorite color?  What is his favorite kind?  Thong, cheekie, bikini, g-string, control top briefs?  (👈Yeah hopefully it’s not the last one.)  Ooh maybe it’s none at all.  Sexy…then just make sure you show him.  To wear sexy panties and they remain unseen…what a tragedy!  Strut your stuff; he’ll be glad he paid a pretty penny for them. 

Do some kegels.  These are easy and worth the time.  Do them while you sit at your desk or on your couch…wherever…just do them.  He will love being able to feel you squeeze and tighten even more while he is in you.  That takes some buff pussy muscles.  And he will enjoy how tight you are.  So kegel.  

And last, but SO NOT LEAST…he doesn’t want to spend the evening in the Sahara.  Make her wet, ladies.  By simply a few thoughts, a few words (hell, speak that shit to yourself if you have to), a few slimy oysters (to eat as an aphrodisiac! Oh lord, what did you think I meant?!), a short gif, whatever it takes….do it.  He will love that you are ready for him and wet as October.  This is of the utmost importance on the Pussy Primping List.  Get wet and stay wet throughout the day.  You may not know it, but when wet, you have a distinct taste that is close to divine….or so a palate for pussy has spoken.   And they love it.  So, even your taste can be prepped just for him.

Now, you may think this is all unimportant and they will go down on anything.  As that may be the case for some, the ones who master the art of oral will want a primped pussy that is tailored to their liking.  Believe me, it’s worth it.

Oh, and of course, you get all the benefits of his being pleased…and by all, I mean ALL.  Because there better be many. And by many, I mean orgasms.  And if there are not MANY…you better educate him quick.  Or hand him over to me and I will knock him over the head for you….and then we can educate him.

Okay, enough talkie talkie. Get your butt in the tub and primp that pussy!  

Sincerely, 

She💋

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His Pleasure, Your Power

He goes still.  Having quieted his breathing, he anticipates your next move.  With each heartbeat, he can feel the blood pulsate and make him harder.  But you have stopped and now wait patiently for the erotical, sexual frustration that comes with edging.  Sweat dripping from his face and chest, he is aching for you to continue. But he stays his words.  His aroused body needs you in ways only you can satisfy.  He won’t admit it, but he wants you desperately.  He will take, if you let him.  He will succumb and control you forcefully. He grabs for your head, to make you finish.  But, just in time, you quickly move out of his reach, look up at him seductively and smile.  And the tease is exhilarating, titillating, leaving you thirst for more.  Leaving you with such a need for more of this tantalizing arousal from a place of leverage.  Your seduction has just surpassed desire and is now full fixation and complete obsession.  You are at a point of power.

Well, we are women, are we not?  And women are powerful in many ways.  Ways that can pleasure a man, ensuring he will never forget you.  Ways that will have him shaking after an orgasm. Ways that will have him look at you in awe.  Ways that show him what he means to you. 

We have the ability to bring a strong and dominant man to a place of ecstasy and moans, of pleasure and yearning.  Is he deeply wavering upon that line of control?  Has he contemplated giving in to his greatest desires in a way that seems out of control?  Will he do things he has never done for you and to you?  This is the power of a woman who knows who she is.  That she knows is imperative.  She must know her power and she must know how to use it.  This is what true femininity will create.  It will bring him to a place that he can trust and give in.  This is our power, our strength, and our beauty.  To hold his need for you in the palm of your hand…wavering…teetering on the edge of giving and taking, of doing and then withholding…pleasing and then waiting…this is your power.  It is a gorgeous display of femininity at its finest.  

We have, if done correctly, much leverage and force in sexual sway.  To be his desire is to wield a power, a dangerous weapon, a submissive form of control.  Does this break submission or diminish his dominance?  Not at all.  This, my beautiful and sexy ladies, enhances his place of power.  For who is most powerful, if not he who has the power to allow and allot control as he sees fit?  The true dominant will have power over the most powerful.  To dominate the weak is easy; to dominate the strong will either be his greatest feat or his proof of mistaken identity.  

The degree to which we use this power will be different with each woman.  Some play very little with their charms.  Others flaunt this ability and use it.  I, myself, enjoy a power struggle and will always be a tease in need of some control.  To be his sexual craving, his lustfilled fantasy, his first and last thought of the day is to have a force over him that I revel in.  To be the taunt of his mind and the craved aim of his body is a need of mine to fulfill that ache to seduce.  I ache to seduce and be the desired, and when I am, above all, and hold his pleasure in my hand…this is my strength…this is my power.  And I know it.

Know who you are.  Know what you can do.  You have power to pleasure him.  Use it to tease and please.  Be his deepest desire and his greatest frustration, his most intense craving and his most prized obsession, his strongest prey and his most fulfilling attainment.    

Sincerely,

She💋

Daddy Issues

We all have them to some degree, don’t we?  Women, I mean.  I won’t speak for men, though I’m sure some of them do as well.  Whether your father was a good man or bad, present or long gone, sober or drunk, it doesn’t matter.  Because if he was a bad man, you’ll always search for a real daddy.  And if he was a good man, you’ll always search in the dim hopes of a man matching his calibur.

My father was a man I looked up to and attempted to follow perfectly until I realized I couldn’t be perfect.  I tried and tried and then one day I fell and I failed him.  He was devastated.  See, I was his perfect little girl.  The girl he knew would do exactly as he wished and never question.  I did so well repressing all my questions and desires.  I became a professional at cloaking my own self with his words of my identity.  I buried my heart in his.  For to ask who or what I was, meant to inquire of him, not me.  I was never me.  I was to be who he said I was to be.  And the instant I failed, he was gone.  Gone, not only physically, but also emotionally.  He gave up on me and I was no longer an interest. I wasn’t worth sticking around for, let alone being worth any time of his at all. 

I realize, in hindsight, that he wasn’t exactly the best father.  He had a very religious, domineering, and tyrannical sort of parenting.  It was a difficult situation to grow up in, but I did my best to please him.  I did very well for many years, but it was never good enough. He always found fault and mistakes.  I know he loves me, though, in his own way.  I needed more but it wasn’t something he knew how to give.  Today, he is still almost completely absent from my life and I find myself with questions.

 What do you do when you find yourself in your thirties having daddy issues?  We will forever have them, I suppose.  So, searching we will always be.  Again, some may be looking for the equivalent of their father.  Others may know he is irreplaceable, yet they must choose a man as close to his example and that he will approve of.  Then there are those who search for a daddy proving polar opposite to their previous model.  A real man that protects, provides, guides, and adores.  A man who doesn’t give up or leave.  A man who is wise, strong, and capable.  A man she can depend on; so she can let go and trust.  A Daddy.  He is elusive and this is no small task.  Many prove their unworthiness and so she must continue her quest.  Even though she must do it alone.  She was never meant to bear this weight on her own.  Ideally, hers would be a guided searching with her father behind her.  Yet, this is an imperfect world and so she must be alone until she finds and is found by a true man…one she can turn to and deem worthy of being the daddy to the little girl in her.

I always find myself staring when I see a father and daughter bonding.  Any affection between the two and I am mesmerized.  What an absolutely beautiful connection…and so very foreign to me.  To see how he looks at her with such natural and undying love.  As if she was a precious and breakable treasure, you can see the solemn vow in his eyes to protect her forever.  And in her eyes, such innocence and pure adoration; never having been hurt by him, she’ll always be his and she knows it.   

This is the core of some forms of the Dominant and submissive relationship.  The submissive yearns for the man who she was meant to follow.  She desperately longs for that which had been denied to her as a little girl.  Her natural inclination, her core need to submit and please is able to be fulfilled in this relationship.  Satisfying these long aching cravings, her man, her “Daddy” is now her rock, her stability and strength.  He is to her as air is to breathe.  For without him, she is once again the lost soul looking for its purpose.   Without him, the violent throbbing ache is all too much to bear on her own. Her need to be taken by the hand, to be directed and protected, cherished and nurtured, is all too burdensome on the back of a tender, vulnerable girl.  To the submissive, Daddy represents that which her poor heart was never given and she relishes his love, flourishing under his guidance and protection.  To the submissive, Daddy is her life and she is able to finally let go and trust.  She can, at last, be who she was always meant to be.  This is the beauty of sexual core needs.  To see this being fulfilled in a woman after so many years of wandering lost… so precious and breathtaking, it is to watch.  Passionate, raw devotion in awesome display.  Life fully lived, without apology to those that may not understand her heart; it is bound to him as she kneels in love before him.

To those that had a wonderful fatherly model:  You lead a blessed life.  Not all have been fortunate enough to have a real father; never take this for granted.  And I hope you find someone worthy of walking beside your father as a man to protect and provide.

To those still looking: I encourage these to not quit their search.  Ladies, you may find him or you may look forever and at the end, still find yourself alone.  But you must never give up.  For a girl without a daddy there should never be.  And to find him is worth the pain and heartache along the way.  It is a costly quest, for sure, but one that will prove its time and effort in the full heart, where once there was a lonely echo.

May you that search with vulnerable, aching hearts, protected as best you can by a strength you have slowly and painstakingly constructed, find him someday…that he may quiet the pleading of your little girl heart.

Sincerely,

She💋

Coffee Mask Recipe~Results

Alrighty, so…that was definitely interesting.  First of all, that was pretty messy.  The “small glass of milk” not necessary.  You need more like a couple tablespoons, not a full glass, unless you’re thirsty.  Once you have the right consistency it goes on okay…but that shit is messy!   It drips and my bathroom sink looked like my BUNN went for a walk to the bathroom, for some reason, and  then exploded. I have to admit, I made mine with chocolate milk and it dripped into my mouth…not too shabby…so, I had that goin’ on. 

 Scrubbed it in and could feel the tingly sensation of it working…well I could only hope at that point.  Who knows what the hell the tingling was doing…truth be told, it made me a bit nervous.  Also, I used a good, local coffee; I cannot guarantee anything if you use that cheap dirt in a can…okay?  That’s just nasty.

I had to go and tease the children, obviously…anytime I do a beauty experiment gone wrong…I have to have a little fun with it.  I recommend this as a form of therapy.  Ends up with a lot of screaming and laughing at my face…which is great…😒

Fuck the twenty minutes…it was itchy!  So after about thirteen minutes I rinsed it all off and…actually, it was a good exfoliator.  My skin was soft, shiny, and very energized afterwards.  

Final summation: Messy, weird but cheap, great for last minute exfoliation, and wow…you’ll get some stuff done cause… caffeine boost.

Recommended?  If you need an exfoliator and have nothing else…not even a dead hedgehog…Jk..yes, if you are wanting a cheap, homemade mask…it’s great.

Till next time that I and my face are your fucking guinea pigs…

Sincerely, 

She💋

Coffee Mask Recipe

   

So, I have found a very easy, coffee face mask for you and I to try.  It’s supposed to clear skin by exfoliating to leave glowing, smooth skin.  And the caffeine in the grounds have antioxidants which help to slow the aging process.  It only has two ingredients you probably already have in your kitchen.  If you don’t…well you’re just weird.  I know how it is hard to find the time to make a mask, let alone the time to sit and relax while it works; but this is an easy recipe and only needs twenty minutes to work its magic.  I will try it tonight and let you know if my face falls off.  Hey, if nothing else, I got a major caffeine boost via the absorption through skin cells and I’ll be able to do a butt load of laundry…

And remember…make sure you walk outside to get the mail… would it really be a real mask if you don’t completely forget it’s still on your face?  Do it with your daughter or tell your man to do it with you!  (Which is probably what happened to that guy in the picture!) And don’t do anything labor intensive…use this face mask time to reflect and regret…jk!  No, relax and think of nice things….no stress.

Coffee Face Mask Recipe 

(courtesy of Purefect Your Skin)

~3 tablespoons of used finely ground coffee

~A small glass of milk

1) Add the used finely ground coffee into a bowl. Stir in milk until it achieves a think texture. Mix the ingredients till well blended. Try not to make the paste too diluted or it’ll be runny and it’s gonna be messy during application. If mixture becomes too runny, simply add a little more coffee into it.

2) When ready, apply the paste onto your face and neck and smooth it out all over.  Avoid eyes and lips.

3) Slowly massage the mixture into your skin and relax for 20 mins.  Do not massage too hard.

4) While washing off the mask, slowly massage the paste to your skin. It acts further as an exfoliator.

5) Pat dry face and apply moisturizer while skin is still damp to seal in moisture.

Try this coffee face mask recipe; you won’t regret it. 

Well, I actually don’t know yet…you might regret it.  I have to try it first.  Unless you’d like to be the guinea pig, send me a shout out.;).Coffee Mask Recipe~Results 

Sincerely,

She💋

Nekkid Time

Don’t look at me like that. I know you’re hesitant sometimes (or all the time) to go au naturel, wearing only a smile, but just let me explain a few things and then you can decide if you want more and better sex, a healthy self-image, and a youthful glow OR stay with less sex, sucky sex and the opposite of a youthful glow in the morning (which would be an old pallor look that could rival someone’s dead grandmother, ladies) …ok?  I know what you do; I’m onto you.  You change in the bathroom and come out in some strange night ensemble as if there will be some catastrophic event and you need to be fully dressed.  No.  Stop that.  Your pajamas are ugly.  No man likes a woman in cartoon characters….ever.  So stop it.  He wants to see your body, not the paint-splattered old shirt with the hole in the ass shorts.  

So, what is all the fuss about?  He may want to see you naked more often but you don’t understand why or what he sees.  So, maybe your hangup is a self-conscious issue.  Honey, trust me; he loves your body and every perfect imperfection.  Men are more attracted to confidence, intelligence, and your desire for them than a media-manipulated, current societal body fad, picture perfect physique.  Ladies, he wants to see you.  I know that’s hard to believe because we all have those traits about us we see as flaws.  He doesn’t see them, nor should you. (Unless he’s an asshole, but then you shouldn’t be with him anyway.)  He desires times where you tease him and take it all off.  Please do not mistake your perception of your body as being truth.  Misunderstood and manipulated self-truth is not a base we should be using as a mirror to see ourselves.  Do take care of yourself, but then you have to know you are wanted and craved, coveted and yearned for.  Stop listening to your misgivings and all the negative resources and start listening to him.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so you may not see what he sees…but it doesn’t diminish his perception of you.

There are many chances in a day to develop this into a daily habit.  Sleeping naked is the best way to start.  I’ve been sleeping naked for years and I enjoy it tremendously.  Sometimes the sexy silk teddy or a small T-shirt and thong is what I prefer.  However, my nightly usual is just naked.  There’s actually health benefits to sleeping naked.  It’s true!  According to experts on nudey science, there are several reasons to sleep naked.  For one, it allows your vagina to breathe…yes, she needs air, ladies. There are other ways to let her breathe, too…if ya know what I mean.;)
 Also, we need cooler temperatures to sleep well.  Being too warm at night can inhibit the release of the two main anti-aging hormones that aid in the youthful glow look we SHOULD have in the morning!  That’s right, hair and skin all glowy-like and beautiful all because you ditched the PJs.  The salt from sweating causes acne and also damages hair, leading to breakage. Better sleep also aids in weight loss and a better diet.  Oh, and is there really the need to discuss the benefit of more pleasurable and frequent sex??  He will be turned on by your new found confidence and sexy nakedness which definitely will make him feel the need to touch which increases oxytocin, the cuddle hormone.  Well, and we all know where cuddling leads to…;)

But why stop there?  I like to play a risky and teasing game of “how long can I walk around naked before I get shoved up against the wall and taken?” game.  (It’s a win-win, really, because that’s obviously what I wanted in the first place.)   Yes, ladies, even with children this can be done. (Omg, no, not in front of them!  I mean, when they’re out at Grandma’s! Geez, you wanna scar ’em for life?)  

If you feel awkward at first, start by slowly undressing while he’s in the bedroom at night or walking around in a bra and panties or cooking while wearing only a dangerously sexy apron (see: Every Girl Needs An Apron ).   Make a habit of putting on your make-up naked or walking around the room naked or, my favorite, ironing in just panties.  Whatever you choose, start today and begin a habit you and your man will love! I promise, you will start to feel what he sees and speaks about you.  The way he sees you and the words he uses to tell you, will steadily increase in volume and take the place of your negative self-image. You have to trust me.

Go find that birthday suit in the back of the closet and dust that sucker off.  Then put it on, don’t be shy, get out there and strut your stuff!  He’ll love it…;)😘
Just take it off, already!

Sincerely,

She💋

What Is The Deal With Men And Food?

So, the wisest woman in my life always told me that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. (I know.  Cliché of clichés, right?…Plus I don’t actually even have any “wisest woman in my life” situation…totally made that shit up…it seemed like a really great lead-in…but I digress…).  Have I found this to be true?  Definitely!  We all know how important sex is to a man (Let me clear up any ambiguity here for all my fellow female sex addicts..I can’t get enough of a good fuck…so, yes, women can be as obsessed with sex as any man…can I get an “Amen”, my nympho ladies?  So hot!), but have you thought about how important food is to a man?
You might know that men think about sex 19 times a day (this is only an average….for all you men thinking….”Really? It feels like more than that!”) which is the equivalent of once every 50 minutes. (I wonder if I have a problem?… I am pretty sure it’s more like twice that for me…yeah…waking up, jogging, in the bathtub, getting out of the bathtub…need I go on?).  However, you probably didn’t know they think about food 18 times a day! That is second to how much they think about sex!  So, how important is food to your man?  Very!

I know that many of you work, but it is still possible to make gorgeous meals for your man. It’s all about the planning and preparation. I am going to give you one of my most trusted recipes for pleasing a man. (Well, a retrosexual man, anyway. I can’t promise anything for the metrosexuals out there…maybe a tofu salad?) This recipe will appease that meat ‘n taters love they have.  And don’t shy away, ladies! This is a very easy recipe! Whether working outside the home or housewife; whether you happened to spawn deranged, drunken midgets or sane, well-balanced children… this can be done!
P.S. And don’t worry, even if it’s not perfect…practice makes perfect and he’ll love you for the effort. Unless it’s really really gross.  It won’t be, because this is pretty fail-proof. (Well, I mean, it could be a disaster but you’d have to be a bit of a dim bulb…that wasn’t necessary was it?).  

You can even make the mashed potatoes ahead of time and keep them in the refrigerator till you get home from work.

Shepherd’s Pie   


Side note: Shepherd’s Pie is traditionally made with lamb not beef…however, we are Americans so, true to form, we have to steal recipes and fuck them up until they are cheap and easy.  Dramatization?  Yes.  Funny and a semi-truth?  Also, yes.

2 lbs potatoes
2 tbs sour cream or cream cheese
1 egg yolk
1/2 cup heavy cream
1 tbs olive oil
2 lbs ground beef
1 carrot -(Is it necessary to say chop the freaking carrot..?..duh..chop it, obviously you’re not going to add an entire fucking carrot to a casserole…work WITH me people…saves us all time…)

1 onion -(Do you want me to go off on you again??…yes, chop the fucking onion…wow.)

2 tbs butter
2 tbs flour
1 cup beef stock
3 tsp Worcestershire
1/2 cup frozen peas
1 tsp paprika
2 tbs parsley for garnish -(Yes, use the garnish…no, he may not notice, but it’s cute.)

Directions:

Boil the potatoes-drain-place in bowl. Combine sour cream, yolk, and cream-warm on low on stove. Add to potatoes-mash. (Do not over-mash or they will be gummy.) Whip with mixer on med for 30 seconds or just till fluffy.

Meanwhile, brown hamburger-drain. Add carrot and onion-cook 5 min. In separate skillet-cook butter and flour together 2 min. Whisk in Worcestershire and broth. Whisk till thickened- 1 min. Add to meat and vegetables. Stir in peas. 

Fill 9×13 inch casserole dish with meat mixture. Spoon potatoes over meat. Top with paprika and broil 6-8 min until browned. Garnish with chopped parsley.

And voila! A meat and potatoes meal that he will probably love!  Hey, I’m not gonna promise anything….

Sincerely,

She💋

Panties Or No Panties?…This Is The Question

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Yes, this is a relevant question!  How dare you think otherwise?!  Of course, this isn’t going to end world hunger or unite the Church or even make your mother-in-law tolerable; but it will set in motion a beautiful evolutionary cycle involving selfless acts of kindness.

Too far? Au contraire, my hard-boiled friends.

This process of evolvement begins with a single benevolent deed. That deed can be, if you so choose, not wearing panties. (Otherwise, you could just pay for the lonely chap’s meal behind you in the fast-food queue. But that would have very altered consequences completely irrelevant to our cause here…albeit, very generous indeed….moving on….)

Today, as you carried on the torch of life, did it occur to you at all to spice up your love life with an “out of your box” scheme? Some notion so avant-garde that it will be sure to shock your man into “buck in rut” mode. Yes? No? Ah, well it doesn’t really matter. I’m here to aide in this by giving you your unconventional idea.

Ditch the panties.

Do they really have a germane point anyway?

It’s a liberating feeling, ladies. However, I must preface the panty ditching with the none-too-obvious warning of: Please be sure to wax, shave, pluck, Nair (Does anybody use that anymore? Did anyone ever use it??) or whatever it is you do.

Warning: Proceed no further without the pubic hair removal taken care of. Thank you.

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This small, yet significant deed will, most assuredly, begin a movement that will change the world. I did just watch the documentary film I AM by Tom Shadyac…hence my waxing deep and sentimental. Proof positive that it is completely true! Besides, everyone knows Newton’s Law. Even your provocative act of skipping the panties will have an equally forceful (Oh that just turned me on a little bit…force it baby… mmmm) reaction that will set in motion a positive chain of events because your man will be pleasantly shocked and oh so very satiated. Which in turn will mean that he goes to work in a chipper mood…which means no road rage taken out on the helpless foreigner…the boss man will notice the good cheer and note the positive work ethic resulting in an eventual pay raise… he’ll buy lunch for all his less satisfied male counterparts…flee work early because he finished everything and come home with a bouquet of flowers resulting in yet again, a night of amazing sex, forming a gorgeously happy day for tomorrow…..

I know. It’s pushing it a bit…but work with me…this is science, people.

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Of course, you’ve heard of the chaos theory, or better known as the butterfly effect. It is the science of surprises; the expectation of the unexpected. A butterfly flaps its wings in the Amazonian jungle, and subsequently a storm ravages half of Europe. See? It’s science. Your sexy kind-hearted gesture will be the flapping of the butterfly’s wings. How beautiful is that??

Just do it. Be sinful and take them off for a day at least. I do it all the time and it makes you feel instantly and easily accessible. Just make sure he knows by text or a cute little show of their absence before he goes to work. Wear a dress and I will almost bet the farm that he will take you to dinner and then to Spankytown. (Where I visit as often as I can…they even have a happy hour!)

He will love it! All the while, you can sit back and relish the thought that you are a humanitarian at heart and actually contributing to global happiness. Good for you.

Sincerely,
She💋

A Little Candlelight, A Little Dress, And A Little Chicken

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Ahhhh! Remember those days? Frolicking on the beach…running…hands held tight…the sun beating down on your love. Yes, both of you adorned in snow white garments…fireworks splitting the night air when you kiss…cherubim and seraphim serenading the union of two hearts into one.

Yeah, okay, so maybe not. Seriously, what guy do you know that would be caught dead in something like that? Better yet, what woman do you know that would be caught dead with a guy that would wear something like that? What is it anyway? Is it a freakin’ jumpsuit? And do people really do that?…hold hands and frolic on the beach?! Okay…maybe I am jealous they got to frolic on the beach!…so what?

Anyway, my point is that maybe you don’t have the romance in your relationship that you used to have. And for all you men out there…(I won’t say you might be a redneck if!)…no, boys, romance has nothing to do with: 1) saving a bottle of your favorite beer just for her! 2) thanking her for getting the stains out of your favorite underwear! 3) taking her out on a date to Napa (And I don’t mean the valley!). 4) waiting for her birthday to come around to buy her that snazzy new microwave ya’ll needed. 5) Oh, and guys, putting the toilet seat down, taking the trash out, and carrying the groceries (ALL the groceries, no, don’t even let her carry the toilet paper)..these are not romantic…that shit is obligatory and not a romantic gesture.
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So, this is what it looks like now? (Far cry from the frolickers!)

What is my solution, you ask? Well, a little candlelight, a little dress, and a little chicken. Granted, this will not solve all your problems, but it’s a step in the right direction!

Girls, girls, girls! You can’t expect him to understand what you need all the time. (Or like ever!) So, let’s romance him a bit with a candlelight dinner. If you have children then find a babysitter and break out the china. (No, not the Chinet brand paper plates..the china.) Find a tablecloth and a couple of candles for the table. Don’t forget a small centerpiece for the center of your table. Now, break out the Marvin Gaye and “get it on!”. (Not too loud…this ain’t a bar.) Find that tiny tight dress that makes him go wild. If you’re like me…I would get dressed before making the chicken and just throw on an apron…although sometimes I end up smelling like meat…which he’s told me is sexy…???…that’s a whole different subject! But if you are accident prone-do all your makeup and hair, then throw on your dress at the last minute before he gets home.

Okay, tighten up those apron strings and let’s get cookin’! Introducing my awesome recipe of Chicken Breasts with Mushroom Sage Sauce!
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(This is 4 servings, because if your husband is anything like mine, he’ll eat the 3 servings to your 1! Love a man that can eat!!)

3 tbsp butter

1/2 cup shallots, chopped

8-10 oz shittake or cremini mushrooms, sliced

1 tsp fresh parsley

1 cup dry white wine (Make sure you get one you like. I suggest Sauvignon Blanc. I love cooking with wine…sometimes I actually have some left to put in my food, but this is rare so I would definitely buy two bottles. One for yourself, my chickie, and one for the actual recipe!)

2/3 cup heavy whipping cream

3 tbsp chopped sage…(I have an herb garden right in my kitchen window…which I highly suggest. So easily accessible.)

1 tbsp olive oil

1 1/2 lbs skinless, boneless chicken breasts-pounded to 1/3 or 1/4 inch. (The pounding is a great stress reliever so pound away babe!)

Melt butter on med-high in skillet-add shallots, cook 1 min. Add mushrooms and parsley-saute 5-10 min. Deglaze with the cup of wine. (Whatever’s left anyway! Did you drink most of it?! Good for you! He’s definitely gettin’ lucky tonight then! I know that’s what happens when I drink red wine…or margaritas or cranberry vodkas or whiskey sours…any type of alcoholic beverage I consume actually will make my clothes come off….)

Stir in cream. Bring to boil. Cook down 10 min till the sauce coats the back of your spoon. (Yes, go ahead and lick the back of the spoon…)

While reducing the sauce, in oil-saute chicken in a different pan-cook 3 min each side or until done. Stir sage into sauce. Taste it, always. Pour over chicken. Taste it again…just for fun…yes, this is how I have those extra poundages. But only an expert chef will continuously taste their dish…so this is actually professional advice!😜

Serve with mashed potatoes and green beans or bowtie pasta and a salad… depending, of course, on what type of dude he is…. completely separate blog post….anyhoo….

Just think, this could be you tonight.

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Sincerely,
She💋

Every Girl Needs An Apron.

Red or pink, long or short, modern or vintage, (Go for the short, red, vintage.  I like polka dots, ruffles, and bows on mine.) every girl needs an apron. There’s just no arguing this point. Ask any man (Notice I said man…mm-hmm.) and he will tell you they are sexy.

There’s just something about a woman in an apron. Sure, maybe it feeds their need for a hot french maid sort of look (I AM french, you know💋….well partially anyway.  Everyone is a little Irish.  Boy, they sure “got around”…if ya know what I mean. Right, my Irish hubs?).  Maybe it is because you are cooking at the time, which we all know hits at the heart of every man.  I think males like it because there is an obvious submission look to it. I say “look” because I think I’ve knocked him on his bald head more while wearing an apron than I ever have while not wearing an apron…which could be construed as slightly unsubmissive. (Don’t look at me that way!  He deserved it!)  So, while there is a submissive look outwardly, there is definitely still quite a bit of naughtiness inwardly.  (Yes, I can be a tad feisty.  Just keepin’ it real, folks.)

That is neither here, nor there. What is here and there…is that aprons are cute. They are old-school retro from what many term: the greatest generation. They compliment your shape and make any outfit sexier. Plus, they make you feel like baking a pie. Yes, ladies, you actually have to go and bake the pie or you’re just gonna look cute. There’s nothing wrong with looking cute, but if you look cute AND you made a pie…win-win.  If you are inexperienced at pie making, toss a comment my way and I’ll help you out.  (You could always go buy one and pretend you made it….I’m guessing that wouldn’t go over as well.  You could just plan it perfectly and be removing it from the oven at just the right time…while bending over, of course;).)

It is, most assuredly, due course of being a retrosexual woman. It is about finding who we are as women again. You know, back when men were men and women were women.


(Okay, is that not absolutely darling?!)

So, go out and buy an apron. You will thank me and he will really thank me.

My Tip: Try wearing only the apron….Seriously, you want ravished like a T-bone in front of a starving man?  Then, send the young’uns away for the evening and cook him a romantic dinner with nothing on but an apron.  You may never finish it…but there’s always Chinese takeout.

Sincerely,
She💋