We all have them to some degree, don’t we? Women, I mean. I won’t speak for men, though I’m sure some of them do as well. Whether your father was a good man or bad, present or long gone, sober or drunk, it doesn’t matter. Because if he was a bad man, you’ll always search for a real daddy. And if he was a good man, you’ll always search in the dim hopes of a man matching his calibur.
My father was a man I looked up to and attempted to follow perfectly until I realized I couldn’t be perfect. I tried and tried and then one day I fell and I failed him. He was devastated. See, I was his perfect little girl. The girl he knew would do exactly as he wished and never question. I did so well repressing all my questions and desires. I became a professional at cloaking my own self with his words of my identity. I buried my heart in his. For to ask who or what I was, meant to inquire of him, not me. I was never me. I was to be who he said I was to be. And the instant I failed, he was gone. Gone, not only physically, but also emotionally. He gave up on me and I was no longer an interest. I wasn’t worth sticking around for, let alone being worth any time of his at all.
I realize, in hindsight, that he wasn’t exactly the best father. He had a very religious, domineering, and tyrannical sort of parenting. It was a difficult situation to grow up in, but I did my best to please him. I did very well for many years, but it was never good enough. He always found fault and mistakes. I know he loves me, though, in his own way. I needed more but it wasn’t something he knew how to give. Today, he is still almost completely absent from my life and I find myself with questions.
What do you do when you find yourself in your thirties having daddy issues? We will forever have them, I suppose. So, searching we will always be. Again, some may be looking for the equivalent of their father. Others may know he is irreplaceable, yet they must choose a man as close to his example and that he will approve of. Then there are those who search for a daddy proving polar opposite to their previous model. A real man that protects, provides, guides, and adores. A man who doesn’t give up or leave. A man who is wise, strong, and capable. A man she can depend on; so she can let go and trust. A Daddy. He is elusive and this is no small task. Many prove their unworthiness and so she must continue her quest. Even though she must do it alone. She was never meant to bear this weight on her own. Ideally, hers would be a guided searching with her father behind her. Yet, this is an imperfect world and so she must be alone until she finds and is found by a true man…one she can turn to and deem worthy of being the daddy to the little girl in her.
I always find myself staring when I see a father and daughter bonding. Any affection between the two and I am mesmerized. What an absolutely beautiful connection…and so very foreign to me. To see how he looks at her with such natural and undying love. As if she was a precious and breakable treasure, you can see the solemn vow in his eyes to protect her forever. And in her eyes, such innocence and pure adoration; never having been hurt by him, she’ll always be his and she knows it.
This is the core of some forms of the Dominant and submissive relationship. The submissive yearns for the man who she was meant to follow. She desperately longs for that which had been denied to her as a little girl. Her natural inclination, her core need to submit and please is able to be fulfilled in this relationship. Satisfying these long aching cravings, her man, her “Daddy” is now her rock, her stability and strength. He is to her as air is to breathe. For without him, she is once again the lost soul looking for its purpose. Without him, the violent throbbing ache is all too much to bear on her own. Her need to be taken by the hand, to be directed and protected, cherished and nurtured, is all too burdensome on the back of a tender, vulnerable girl. To the submissive, Daddy represents that which her poor heart was never given and she relishes his love, flourishing under his guidance and protection. To the submissive, Daddy is her life and she is able to finally let go and trust. She can, at last, be who she was always meant to be. This is the beauty of sexual core needs. To see this being fulfilled in a woman after so many years of wandering lost… so precious and breathtaking, it is to watch. Passionate, raw devotion in awesome display. Life fully lived, without apology to those that may not understand her heart; it is bound to him as she kneels in love before him.
To those that had a wonderful fatherly model: You lead a blessed life. Not all have been fortunate enough to have a real father; never take this for granted. And I hope you find someone worthy of walking beside your father as a man to protect and provide.
To those still looking: I encourage these to not quit their search. Ladies, you may find him or you may look forever and at the end, still find yourself alone. But you must never give up. For a girl without a daddy there should never be. And to find him is worth the pain and heartache along the way. It is a costly quest, for sure, but one that will prove its time and effort in the full heart, where once there was a lonely echo.
May you that search with vulnerable, aching hearts, protected as best you can by a strength you have slowly and painstakingly constructed, find him someday…that he may quiet the pleading of your little girl heart.