Dominance & Submission

Man: “Would you like to go out to eat tonight?”

Woman: “Sure, where should we go?”

Man: “I don’t care, where would you like to go?”

Woman: “I don’t really care, you pick.”

Man: “I guess I am not really in the mood, maybe we should just stay home.”

Woman: …. *insert soundtrack from the shower scene in Psycho*

He: Hopefully the scenario above doesn’t sound too familiar to you. But in this age of the Ned Flanders Christian who is in touch with his (he)motions and who bends at the waist in submission to everyone and everything, I am guessing that it is actually all too familiar to you.

We have lost something key in regards to who we are as men and the women have lost something key in regards to their own satisfaction: a dominant man and a surrendered woman.

She: Now, ladies, I know what you’re thinking…and no, it’s not about, “Shut up and go make me a chicken pot pie.”  Although, I have to say…if he is a real Dom…I would go make the best fucking chicken pot pie, the world over.  If he is a real Dom, he would be worth that submissive act.  Then a few more acts later, if ya know wbat I mean. 😉

He: Now, before I wade into this, let me set the terms for you.

A dominant man leads from strength. He can lead gently and firmly but he always leads. He is a rock that his woman and family can depend on and more than holds his own with responsibility, protection, provision and in tending to his own heritage. He is dominant sexually, being a master of his woman’s sexual needs and he spends the time taking her to the edge. And he does this because his greatest pleasure comes from leading her to places that she has never been. In the end, a dominant man’s greatest sexual need is to experience the worship of his spouse as she loses all control because of and in order to please him.

A domineering man is someone that would like to be dominant but knows that he is not. He may have learned this from school or from work or from past relationships. When he is with other men, he knows in his heart that he is not the alpha. When he is with a woman, he knows that he could lose her to any alpha that comes close. And so he punishes her and those around him by control, emotional or physical abuse or by keeping her from friends and family. A domineering man is a petty tyrant, a bully to those that are weaker than he is and a coward to those stronger than he is. This is the worst kind of man.

The picture I like to paint in order to convey this fact of life is simple. In any pack or herd in nature, you have the dominant alpha that protects the group and breeds with the females that are most likely to produce strong offspring. There are always the alphas and then there are always the betas. The beta males are the stragglers, those that wish to be an alpha but are not. They circle the pack and fight for whatever scraps are left over.

As in nature, so it is with us. Women are looking for strength and someone that will protect, provide, lead and provide strong offspring. When a woman comes to see that their man is not this, they start to get resentful of them and in their heads at least, dream of that strong dominant alpha male that will come along and sweep them off of their feet.

She:  Hence the Harlequin Romance section of your local library.  Well, and have you seen the covers of those things?!  Hot!  Oh yeah, baby, love the sexy ass, naughty Scotsman come to steal his virgin from her childhood home… Big, sexy, strong, confident alpha male takes naive, feminine, beautiful female and has his filthy way with her body….okay, I’ll stop..

He: Consequently, a submissive man is a man that has willingly given up the lead and traded away their manhood. They are more comfortable not taking the lead in anything and allowing others to do it for them. A man who follows the herd and does what their friends are doing is a submissive man. A man that gives up sexual control, financial control or the remote control is a submissive man.

She:  Remote control…hilarious!  I take the remote just to mess with him!  It’s so funny!  He, of course, takes it from me…with force, might I add!  I really am horrible with making a decision on a show.  It’s like when I pick movies…I come out with ‘A Dog Named Flanders’.  No, seriously!  It was so stupid.  Although, I have picked really good ones, too.  (He would never admit that.)  Like any movie with Steven Seagal or Sylvester Stallone or The Rock…they’re awesome…

He: A dominant woman is someone who married a beta dog and probably didn’t know it at the time. Or possibly it is someone that was hurt or abused and has constructed defenses to insure that the pain never comes back. Most dominant women that I have encountered are really looking for an even stronger man. But the man that they found is not the stronger man and so they punish them for their weakness. This then is when they begin to do what I call “provoking”. They will bully, control, emasculate and dictate terms to their man in order to try and provoke them into establishing dominance. When the man cowers or acquiesces, they resent them for it and double up on their efforts

As much as women may want a dominant man, few will openly admit it in this day and age. See, it is in every woman’s DNA to desire a dominant man but society tends to make them back away from this much like it forces men to wear cardigans and share their feelings.

She:  This is so true!  As a strong woman, I can tell you that strong women want a stronger man.  In fact, we have to have this or it gets real ugly, real quick.  As strong and opinionated as we can be, our man has to be the leader.  We will resent him if he lets us lead or makes us lead by himself refusing to lead.

He: Let me give you some proof of this before I am accused of being a Neanderthal.

From the seventies, there have been around nine separate surveys of women’s fantasies involving sexual domination by a man that have been published. These show that over 57% admit to having regular fantasies involving this. They also concluded that the number was actually much higher but the women felt uncomfortable admitting to it. In another survey, psychologists at North Texas University asked 355 college women: Have you fantasized recently about being overpowered by a man to have oral/vaginal/anal sex? Sixty-two percent said that they had within the last month.

She:  Umm, duh.  Yes, that’d be me.  I always need overpowered…I crave daily, the dominant taking me without permission.  I love to be taken by force…rough sex…wtf..getting horny now, thanks…

He: What does this tell us? It tells us that women naturally want a strong, dominant man in the bedroom and in life. Does this make them weak? On the contrary, many dominant women play the superior role in relationships simply because their man simply isn’t capable. She may be strong-willed, opinionated and driven, but this doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to be ravished like any other female might.

She:  Love that word…RAVISHED!!!  Oh, baby, ravish me!  Seriously though…could you shut up for a minute and do it now?!

He: A submissive woman submits out of a place of strength, not weakness. I actually prefer the term “Surrendered” to submissive because to submit implies forced compliance. To surrender is decision that you make, not one that is forced on you. A domineering man wants a submissive spouse; a dominant man looks for a surrendered one. For a true dominant male, a passive wife without a spine is actually a turn off. He gets turned on by the sexual surrender of a strong woman because it speaks to his own strength. When a woman of value, strength and substance surrenders, he sees his worth. When a doormat simply lays there and offers no opinions, where could the challenge possibly be in that?

(She:. FYI: He did not shut up…he kept writing…rudeness.  He better do me after this…)

She:  So true, I will not submit in fear, weakness, or passivity.  I surrender because I have a strong man and I know he’s the alpha that I can trust and give myself to.  Surrender can only be done by a strong woman that knows who she is and has self-worth, and knows that who she’s surrendering to is worthy of her giving herself fully to him.

He: Passive women are the domain of domineering men. They are easy to control and offer no resistance and so they fuel their fantasies of dominance. But a truly dominant male looks for that spouse who is fully capable and yet they choose to surrender to a stronger man.

Sincerely, 

He & She