What Is The Deal With Men And Food?

So, the wisest woman in my life always told me that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. (I know.  Cliché of clichés, right?…Plus I don’t actually even have any “wisest woman in my life” situation…totally made that shit up…it seemed like a really great lead-in…but I digress…).  Have I found this to be true?  Definitely!  We all know how important sex is to a man (Let me clear up any ambiguity here for all my fellow female sex addicts..I can’t get enough of a good fuck…so, yes, women can be as obsessed with sex as any man…can I get an “Amen”, my nympho ladies?  So hot!), but have you thought about how important food is to a man?
You might know that men think about sex 19 times a day (this is only an average….for all you men thinking….”Really? It feels like more than that!”) which is the equivalent of once every 50 minutes. (I wonder if I have a problem?… I am pretty sure it’s more like twice that for me…yeah…waking up, jogging, in the bathtub, getting out of the bathtub…need I go on?).  However, you probably didn’t know they think about food 18 times a day! That is second to how much they think about sex!  So, how important is food to your man?  Very!

I know that many of you work, but it is still possible to make gorgeous meals for your man. It’s all about the planning and preparation. I am going to give you one of my most trusted recipes for pleasing a man. (Well, a retrosexual man, anyway. I can’t promise anything for the metrosexuals out there…maybe a tofu salad?) This recipe will appease that meat ‘n taters love they have.  And don’t shy away, ladies! This is a very easy recipe! Whether working outside the home or housewife; whether you happened to spawn deranged, drunken midgets or sane, well-balanced children… this can be done!
P.S. And don’t worry, even if it’s not perfect…practice makes perfect and he’ll love you for the effort. Unless it’s really really gross.  It won’t be, because this is pretty fail-proof. (Well, I mean, it could be a disaster but you’d have to be a bit of a dim bulb…that wasn’t necessary was it?).  

You can even make the mashed potatoes ahead of time and keep them in the refrigerator till you get home from work.

Shepherd’s Pie   

Side note: Shepherd’s Pie is traditionally made with lamb not beef…however, we are Americans so, true to form, we have to steal recipes and fuck them up until they are cheap and easy.  Dramatization?  Yes.  Funny and a semi-truth?  Also, yes.

2 lbs potatoes
2 tbs sour cream or cream cheese
1 egg yolk
1/2 cup heavy cream
1 tbs olive oil
2 lbs ground beef
1 carrot -(Is it necessary to say chop the freaking carrot..?..duh..chop it, obviously you’re not going to add an entire fucking carrot to a casserole…work WITH me people…saves us all time…)

1 onion -(Do you want me to go off on you again??…yes, chop the fucking onion…wow.)

2 tbs butter
2 tbs flour
1 cup beef stock
3 tsp Worcestershire
1/2 cup frozen peas
1 tsp paprika
2 tbs parsley for garnish -(Yes, use the garnish…no, he may not notice, but it’s cute.)


Boil the potatoes-drain-place in bowl. Combine sour cream, yolk, and cream-warm on low on stove. Add to potatoes-mash. (Do not over-mash or they will be gummy.) Whip with mixer on med for 30 seconds or just till fluffy.

Meanwhile, brown hamburger-drain. Add carrot and onion-cook 5 min. In separate skillet-cook butter and flour together 2 min. Whisk in Worcestershire and broth. Whisk till thickened- 1 min. Add to meat and vegetables. Stir in peas. 

Fill 9×13 inch casserole dish with meat mixture. Spoon potatoes over meat. Top with paprika and broil 6-8 min until browned. Garnish with chopped parsley.

And voila! A meat and potatoes meal that he will probably love!  Hey, I’m not gonna promise anything….




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